At my age…

18.12.2019

At my age, you’re considered an adult. You have to make sensible decisions. Pay your own bills. Book your own doctor’s appointments. Vote.

Yet, I’ve never wanted to run further from responsibility.

At my age, you no longer get to throw tantrums. It is expected that you won’t truly express your sadness when something upsets you. That you just cop things on the chin and move on.

Yet, I’ve never found it harder not to cry.

At my age, it’s expected that you know what you want to do. That you have a full-time job. That you’re building a career and saving for the future.

Yet, I have never felt so unsure.

At my age, the people around you are in secure relationships. They are moving in together. Getting married. Having children.

Yet, I couldn’t be further from it.

At my age, it’s expected that you can support yourself. That you are financially secure. That you can pay rent. Manage a car. Buy things without checking your bank balance first.

Yet, the bills seem overwhelming.

At my age, you feel like you’re not where you’re supposed to be. That you’re missing targets and coming up short. That you’re failing. That you’re never quite good enough.

At my age, you’re expected to do all those ‘grown-up things’, but not to worry too much because you’re still young.

Yet, I’m still worried.

At my age, perhaps, it’s time to remember the things that we HAVE achieved. To remember how far we HAVE come. To remember that we ARE killing this ‘life’ thing and that really it IS all going to turn out okay in the end.

Fast forward 5 years and we’re going to have achieved these goals we’ve set. The things that we’re worried about will be insignificant and small. We’re going to be thriving, happy humans who are about to enter our 30s and who really should have their shit together.

But let’s worry about that then. For now, I’m going to blast Ed Sheeran tunes, walk along the beach, dance with friends, travel the world and do the things that make ME happy. That’s what’s important at my age.

Love, R x